Easter 5 - B

May 13, 2006

The Rev. Dorian McGlannan

 

At our children’s former private school in Tacoma, there was a young boy who gave everyone a run for their money. Nearly everyday, our son would share Jake stories with us. At one point, his mother pulled him out of the school and enrolled him in another school. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. But then he had difficulties at that school and so they returned to our school begging to come back. The young man was brilliant. Our school for gifted could help him and so Jake returned. Unfortunately, his mother was a part of the package and so this reunion did not last long.

 

All of us encounter people who have the potential to send us over the edge. From the reckless driver who bears down on us and then zips around us, to co-workers and even members of our own family. We encounter difficult people on a daily basis and I suspect most of you know that there is nothing we can do about how others behave. All we can do is make choices about how we behave.

 

Today’s reading from the first letter of John tells us to “love, not in word or speech but in truth and action.” This kind of love is a love that needs to come from our depths. This is not an easy kind of love. All of us have people in our lives who are easy to love: the cute adorable children who snuggle up to us, the adults who are giving and gracious, the teenagers who are helpful and thoughtful, the co-workers who are always there for us… These people are easy to love. They are plain and simple quite loveable. But this is not what this reading from 1^st John is talking about. Anyone can love the loveable! The author of this letter calls us to a more challenging kind of love. He calls us to love everyone. 

 

The love of which John writes is a heartfelt, forthright love that is beneficial to others as well as the one who loves. The love of truth and action does not mean being a doormat. It can mean tough love. It can mean remaining steady and consistent even when challenged. It means focusing on how we react to any kind of situation or person. 1^st John calls us to love even when we don’t feel like loving. 

 

In my work with couples who are preparing to marry, we talk about how love is not a feeling. When we are “in love”, it seems as if our intended can do no wrong. But at some point, our intended will do something that does not elicit the most loving feelings in us. It is then that we get to practice the kind of Christian love of which John writes.

 

There are three books of the Bible respectively called 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd John. 2^nd and 3^rd John fall into the category of epistle or letter similar to the style of Paul’s letters. There is no such agreement on 1^st John with regard to its intent. It could have been a sermon or a letter or had some other purpose. There is also no agreement about authorship. What can be said is that all three of these documents come from the Johannine Christian community, in others words a community that had some connection to the disciple John? The same audience that was the audience for the gospel of John was also the audience for 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd John. Even if authorship and intent cannot be established with certainty, the content of 1^st John is consistent. In the 4^th century, St. Augustine commented that 1^st John commends nothing else but love. That agape, Christian love, is the primary topic of this writing cannot be disputed. 1^st John talks about the constant love of the unseen God, a God who loved us enough to send his son. It talks about our response to that love, our ability to love God in return and our love for our fellow humans. 1^st John is not read very frequently in our Sunday lectionary cycle but here in this post Easter season of year B, it takes front stage. We have had readings from this book of the Bible every Sunday since Easter.

 

As we mature in our lives and in our faith, we come to know that we cannot change the people in our lives. Any semblance of control that we think we have in this area, goes quickly out the window even with regard to our children. All we can do is change ourselves and make different choices with regard to how we react to the people in our lives. All of us know and admire people who are unflappable. “Cool as a cucumber” we say of those rare people who stay centered and focused even in the most trying of circumstances. And why is this such an admirable quality? Because no one changes when we respond with anger or frustration. In fact, they simply shut us out. Tough love is not reactive; it is simply standing by and saying as calmly as possible. “Hmm, you have made the choices and now you need to live with the consequences.”

 

Christian love is about making an honest and heartfelt assessment of ourselves not others. It is easy to say: “She is a piece of work”. It is far more difficult to bring the focus back on ourselves and ask: “How could I have responded better to this troubling person?” In my previous church, there were several parishioners who had adult children who were either addicts or alcoholics. Thinking that they were doing the loving thing, they would rescue them over and over again, giving them money and letting them move back home when times got rough. One woman in particular agonized over her son’s situation. She was in her late 70’s and her son was in his 40’s. For years he had been a boomerang son bringing all the issues of alcoholism with him every time he landed back with his mother. And then, one day he came home expecting to be able to stay with his mom because he had hit yet another bad patch. But lo and behold, this time she said no! It took tremendous courage and faith for her to do this. Mike ended up in a shelter for the homeless. Eventually he stopped drinking and became a leader at the shelter. He stayed on at the shelter helping others and eventually got a job and moved out. His life is in a better place today all because his mother loved him enough to say no. Not all situations have such happy endings. There are risks. In the end, we have to let go to the point of knowing that we may lose our children all together.

 

I have another story of a couple in Seattle who had a significant impact on our lives. He was a Lutheran pastor and she ran one of the best home day cares in the area.  They had ten children, three were biological and the rest were domestic foster adoptions or foreign adoptions. Two of the domestic foster adopted children had joined their family at the respective ages of 5 and 6. Despite our friends best efforts, these two children never bonded with them; the damage suffered in their biological homes had been too severe.  Still Junie and John stayed with them and did the best they could. As adults, both of these children ended up on the streets. Their future was unknown. But Junie and John were able to release them knowing they had given them their best love. This incredible couple continued to live lives full of love and joy, knowing full well that either or both of these two adult children may well have a tragic end to their lives. It is about loving and then letting go.

 

The kind of love described in 1^st John is a freeing kind of love. It enables us to live with grace and give our best love to those who are willing to receive it. It frees us to set limits on those who are not able to accept our love. This love of truth and action has the power to move mountains in our own lives as well as in the lives of others.